It was in the middle of the night when
Daddy would come home completely drunk. When he attempted to speak his words
were slurred, his face was as red as a tomato, and he would vomit all over our shining
living room floor. I would wake up to the sound of their screams, of plates
breaking, of curses thrown back and forth like gunshots. Daddy would punch the
door so hard I was afraid it would break into pieces. One time, Mommy threw the
thick glass that covered our table towards Daddy, and days after that I would
still step on small shards of glass.
Mommy would sit on a white plastic
monoblock in front of our black and white wall clock on the living room. She
would stare at it, face entirely devoid of expression, as if she was in a
trance. Tick tock. Tick tock. I sat beside her but she didn’t notice. Tick
tock. Tick tock. The clock struck ten, and Mommy’s eyes came alive, like she
just woke up from a dream. She saw me beside her but did not comment on it.
“Sunduin mo na Daddy mo sa court.” I didn’t want to, it was so dark outside.
But I did, in my terno Sailor Moon sando and shorts. I would arrive in the
middle of a round of tong-its and when Daddy sees me, even when in the middle
of a laugh, he would immediately frown.
Sometimes Mommy and I would go to
Church on Sundays. Daddy wouldn’t come with us because on Sundays he bets on
sabong with his friends. Once, when we got home, Mommy was devastated when she
found out all her jewelry was missing. Even the money hidden under the mattress
wasn’t there. Mommy ran outside while I stood there gaping. When she returned
she had the eyes of a madwoman, and I hid and sat on a corner, shaking like a
leaf. Mommy walked back and forth, all the while calling on her cell phone.
When no one answered I knew she would break everything at arm’s length, but
instead, she slumped on the floor and cried and cried. I crawled from my corner
and hugged her. “I hate your father. I hate your father.” she said through
choked miserable sobs. I told her through my own tears “Don’t cry. I’ll grow up
fast and get a job. Then we’ll get rich.”
Daddy always left at 4 am to drive our
jeepney. But in the past two weeks, he would leave with Mommy’s old leather
envelopes and dress up in the white polo shirt that we bought for his birthday.
In one occasion I awoke to Mommy and Daddy whispering. I did my best
impersonation of a sleeping person and listened. “When are you leaving?” “Two
weeks.” “I’ve already borrowed 50 thousand from Ate.” “I can’t send money for
two months. But I promise we’ll pay her afterwards.” “Don’t screw this up.” And
then there was silence.
Two weeks passed in fast forward.
Today would be the day Daddy leaves, and there were much packing and
preparations. That night Mommy, Daddy, and I were all on the bed. Daddy was
hugging me for the first time. There was a basketball game airing on Channel 13
but Daddy agreed to watch Bubble Gang on Channel 7 instead.
When Mommy left to check on something,
Daddy talked to me. “Daddy’s leaving.” he said. I only nodded. “Daddy’s leaving
for you. Then you can go study wherever you want in college, whatever course
you’d like. You can become a doctor or a lawyer.”
A few hours later, we drove to the
airport. Daddy had his arm around me and his other arm around Mommy, ninong was
driving. I wanted to say I’d rather have Daddy here than study, but I didn’t.
When we arrived, there were hundreds
of men who had the same green shirt as Daddy’s that said “Kuwait Agility
Logistics” at the back in bold letters, branding my Daddy as theirs and no
longer ours.
Daddy
kissed my forehead. “Ineng, huwag mong kakalimutang isara yung pinto. Alagaan
mo si Mommy.”
Then
he walked to the entrance of the airport, his back to us, and went inside. He
didn’t look back.
“Come,
sweetie.” Mommy said. “Kinain na siya ng pinto.”
We returned to an empty house. Mommy went
straight to bed in the shadows while I was left behind to lock the door. Hours
later I woke up to the sound of the gate opening and in the darkness of the night,
I double checked the locks with my heart on a gallop. All of a sudden the phone
rang, shone like the first rays of sunrise. And when I heard Daddy’s voice, I
felt like we were safe.
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